27 Jun 2009
Tonight is my cousin's birthday party! Wonder how it'll all look. Maybe something like my younger sister's birthday party.
12 Jun 2009
There was once I was stranded outside a closed library late at night, with my cell battery dead, and no public phone in sight.
Dear Diary,
Is there really no way for me to find a place where I can feel comfortable and just be myself? I'm so tired of having to pretend that there's nothing wrong, and that i'm fine, and always try to act so cheerful. I'm really not a good actor. At all. There's just so many things that I can't do, that are out of my reach, and I always feel like i'm just abandoned and left to die.
I want to say that I can handle things by myself, that I can live my own life, that I can take care of my own problems, but I feel so overwhelmed. And sometimes my hands are just tied and I have no choice but to keep trudging on through an unresolved problem everyday.
This isn't a case where I
I wish I knew how not to cry when I feel like I'm going to burst into tears. I can't hide everything I feel. Most of the time I can't hide
28 May 2009
Hey kittens, it's me, SuperWitch, here with more juicy inside scoop that'll surely riot this whole town down.
So why is little miss condescending-and-innocent late this month? And why has she been making appearances without boy-toy on arm? Could it have something to do with her other longtime boy-toy? Okay, that's enough teasing.
Let's get down to business.
01 Apr 2009
I never really knew that people really wanted me to be stoic throughout anything. I always try to retain my composure and at least appear somewhat calm. I don't know why I always let my emotions affect me so much. Sometimes I just feel like hiding in my room. Especially after something bad happens. When I hear someone saying something bad about me, I know I shouldn't care, but suddenly i'm behaving differently, and then seeing the person saying it to her friend, and hearing it, t just gets stuck in my head and I can't forget about it.
30 Mar 2009
I just feel like I can only turn to my sisters. And sometimes I can't even turn to them. And that leaves me with no one. I don't want to have to do everything on my own, without anyone's company. Having someone nearby to always visit and talk to is so nice. I always felt like it was a matter of time before the few people left who were still on my side would abandon me. The days leading up to it are so horrible.
I feel like no one believes me, and I don't know how to plead my case, or defend myself if no one even agrees that what I'm saying is true.
27 Mar 2009
Omg, maybe someone wants to be my friend! It's so touching to hear/read something like that.
24 Mar 2009
It's no secret that i'm not a saint. Maybe I deserve all these bad things. But i'm going to live my life. And do what feels right for me. Because i'm the one who has to make all my own decisions for myself, and I'm the one who has to live with what I've done, or what I do.
It's true -- I'm desperate for friends. I'm always passively waiting and hoping that someone will actually step out from all those people whom i've wronged and hate me, and choose to be on my side.
23 Mar 2009
I'm still so afraid of the truth. I just always feel like nothing seems right, and I'm just never satisfied with how things turn out.
I wish all the people that I thought up and imagined would be here with me in real life. Everyone thinks i'm weird cause i'm always alone, always doing things alone. All the time.
22 Mar 2009
Sometimes I feel absolutely worthless. Uh-oh I don't think it's only sometimes. Well, that happens to everyone doesn't it?
11 Mar 2009
I want people to visit and comment because I'm so desperate for attention.
I've addressed this issue before. As with all others. I keep writing/whining about ther same thing in every entry because I've never resolved anything. So it's actually my fault. Wait, it always was, right from the beginning. I don't know what to do. Yes, that's right. I still don't.
21 Jan 2009
Chinese New Year is almost here! I want to join in on the shopping, but shopping alone isn't as fun as I thought.
On to other things. Firstly, I fear that I won't be able to make this year different for me from all the previous years because I haven't changed at all. I still haven't grown up. I can't behave maturely like other people. I don't know what mature things I should be talking about.
I always thought that I was comfortable being me. I thought that being true to myself was simple. I thought that I knew what I wanted, how I wanted to live my life, what I wanted my destiny to be, what was right for me, and what's best for me. I used to tell other people not to compare themselves with others, and then slowly I started to do it too. Sometimes I think influence is just magically bestowed unto any random person. So I turned away from all those people who were demonstrating how I should live my life. I see now that I have to earn the right to make my own rules.
But I thought I was so content sitting on the sidelines. Will I ever be able to live my life the way I want to, or should I just say goodbye to that right now. I get so scared being alone. But how can I find a friend that I can truly trust? I haven't changed, I'm still not a good friend. I don't want to ruin another friendship, cause I actually need them so badly. Ultimately though, I have to make my own decisions.
I just discovered that writing in this blog really doesn't feel the same as talking to someone.
It's just too overwhelming. There's so much that I have to be. So much that I have to just know. I lost the clarity I had so lolng ago. I've been out of touch for years now. I'm tired of being scolded for not sucking it up and pretending everything's fine. But everyone's tired of something in their life. No one's life is perfect and everyone faces challenges. I just wish I knew how to deal with it so well. Like them.
I thought I could mend and heal. I just can't shrug it off. It just gets stuck in my head. No, I don't hold grudges. Right?
Were my expectations of myself too high? And then escalating? Was I drowning myself? Was I smothering myself with what other people may be expecting of me?
I can't show up in front of all those people just being me. No one will want to be near me. I can't put on a show either. When I pretend, everything will eventually come crashing down -- the curtains; the costumes; the props.
Does it all come down to my bitter self-pity? Am I that person who came alone, whose feelings have been trampled on so many times that a few more won't make a difference? When I isolate myself, and stew in my hatred, for all those things and people, I've never once considered exactly what it is about me that makes me hate all of them. So strongly. When I think about it now, I don't really think I despise them. Well, not that much anyway. I'm really just afraid. So scared of them. I feel so intimidated. I've made so many mistakes and wronged so many people. How can I face them? I never wanted to see it, i'm inferior. But I should do something about it. Shouldn't I? I just don't know how.
I can't be independent. It's too hard. I can't present myself. I can't be an adult. I can't do everything alone. Like how everyone else does. But I think I always will be alone. I don't know how to fix that about myself. I don't know how to stop myself from being a horrible friend.
I think I write the same thing over and over each entry because nothing ever changes.
12 Jan 2009
I'm not really sure anymore if I can make this year different from all the rest. Can I really change? As I sigh, I realise that it's once again the time of year for income tax.
I sometimes wonder why people take so many risks, and don't think about how they might be setting themselves up for disappointment. Making plans is something I always wished I could have at least improved at.
Sometimes I want to disappear some place, but I don't want to stay too long. Sometimes i'm feeling so alone, trying to fit in where I don't belong.
I woke up this morning feeling, yes you guessed it, dead. I think maybe I just shouldn't sleep, so that waking up wouldn't be a problem. While I was dragging myself out of bed, I thought about all the people whom I have trusted. There are people who think I like being arrogant and aloof, and others seem to think I'm so desperate. When I'm being arrogant, that's when I say to them that they should never think they know me better than I know myself. The rest of the time I'm being desperate, not learning from my mistake of being so arrogant. Wishing for someone's company, and to have someone to talk to. I never really wanted to admit that about myself, even to myself.
I've heard about people who can never make any friendship work, driving away people one after the other. If I'm friends with someone, I hope that I can actually be a close friend, a good friend, without them having to be at arm's length all the time. I don't know, people say I'm picky, but I think it's because I just know that something bad is going to happen and I'll regret relying on the particular person that I did trust.
I'm not like other people
who always feel so sure
Of everything they are
Of what they're going to be
02 Jan 2009
This is my 50th entry. I wanted to blog before the new year like I always do, and review the past year like most other people but I guess I just got caught up doing other things. Maybe I shouldn't look back. I always thought that every year that goes by is always the same, but maybe I can actually make a difference this year. Last year I just thought another year, another year older, and I just felt old. I'll continue this later.
18 Dec 2008
Today as I woke up, pondering my existence, letting my feelings wash over me, I came to the epiphany that all that I am may not be as I perceived at all. Everything seemed bleak to me before, but I realize now that I should have tried to be more open and accepting. No, actually when I woke up my body ached like hell and I just wanted to go back to sleep. Forever.
What do I do? All this time I thought I finally belonged somewhere, and for that to suddenly abandon me, I just felt so betrayed. I enjoyed so much the companionship of someone willing, being a part of something that I finally felt comfrotable with. Suddenly I realised that not everyone I trust really does want to endure twenty four hours of -me-.
If only Aiko from beloved-Melody.Org didn't leave. I suppose everyone has to move on to other things eventually, but it just seemed quite sudden to me for someone so talented to have to just drop their previous life. Did you see, that was a hint from me to go visit her site while it's still visible and honour her work while you can. But that's not what the above was all about.
It was actually about me not wanting to be alone for the rest of my life because it just feels so lonely. It just feels so hard to have to depend on myself, comfort myself, and always pick myself up. The reward, feeling independent. But still, I wish someone would actually be willing to call themselves my friend in public.
12 Dec 2008
I'm not sure I like posting photos of myself on my blog. I really don't travel well. People close to me would really know that about me. Oh wait, who really is close to me? Who can I really trust?
I just don't want to be around people who don't know me, because I can't make them understand why I do the things that I do. They just don't get it, and unless they've seen my past conflicts with their own eyes, they can't know why I need to live the way I live. I don't know, I just feel so ashamed of myself in front of people.
02 Dec 2008
I feel quite okay, I tried to be active and eat right, it was a failed attempt. Hopefully I can be more consistent. I still feel horrible when I wake up.
I wanted to put some space in between blog entries, so I made some adjustments to my stylesheet. I wanted to start working on a right-aligned layout, but I'm really rusty, so I had to read a few tutorials.
Try viewing number 17, 17a, and 17b. Comment me, tell me what you think about my horrible repetitiveness. If you click on any one of the three square images on the top entry, you can navigate to the other layout.
07 Nov 2008
I think it's important for me to have a place to which I belong. I just always feel so out of place, and I wish I could be around people where I can just let my hair down and not worry about anything. I imagine that if I find that then maybe I can finally catch my breath, and feel welcome. I bet it'd feel wonderful. I'm starting to think that the place/people i was talking about is something that everyone has to make for themselves, and it's not easy to find. I wonder how I can accomplish what other people accomplish.
I see so many people so happy all the time, I can't honestly believe they're just pretending. Can you really be that positive? About everything? How can someone be able to take it all in stride? I'm good at smiling and laughing. I can even chatter on and on. I'm very happy, but the way I'm happy just doesn't seem the same as everyone else somehow.
03 Nov 2008
Today, I felt really dead when I woke up. I've been feeling horrible for the past few weeks. I know -- eat right and be active. Okay, okay.
I saw Colbie Caillat's Kiss the Girl, and OneRepublic's Dreaming Out Loud. I actually really liked Sophie Delilah's Nature of the Crime. Womanizer premiered at 5th position on ChartAttack. I'm happy about this month's featured artist. I'm just really wishing I could watch TRL. Nothing I ever uploaded would ever get onto DayDreamGraphics. And I don't blame them.
The internet connection is really slow - as usual. I didn't get to go see Disaster Movie. Cause all I ever want to do is stay at home by myself anyway. I decided to forego the magazines, trying to cut down on spending, and I didn't find British Glamour anyway. Actually this whole saving up thing isn't really working out. I haven't been shopping but I haven't been penny-wise either.
27 Oct 2008
Anne Hathaway looks so gorgeous in that Magnifique ad. I was so young when I kept saying that I wouldn't compromise who I was in order to get friends. I don't know why I was so sure of myself. I never thought I'd be watching other people, wishing I'd know how it felt. Is there nothing wrong with trying to be self-sufficient?
I know what the consequences are of misrepresenting myself. Over-confidence is worse than people think. If I know how things will turn out, it would be irresponsible for me to jump in to it. It's selfish.
A : I almost thought that maybe I could've actually had fun when I went to that party. I seemed to so quickly equate attending a party to being able to join in on the conversations and the jokes. Luckily, I know who I am, and I don't need other people to tell me that i'm on the outside and irrelevant.
B : Is there a reason that your thoughts always encompass past mistakes, dissapointments, and shame? Do you always feel a need to emphasize these negative aspects of people? Is it that you find necessity in being critical of things you and other people do?
A : Look at me -- obviously, it was a mistake. I'm not as mature as they are, and talking a lot doesn't equal being friendly. I just too quickly forgot my place and got wrapped up in the idea of trying to be in the loop when I'm not interesting at all. What was I thinking? I can't be accepted and celebrated.
B : Is there something specific in your past that relates to your tendency to keep reminding yourself not to feel confident and happy? Why do you feel the need to constantly beat yourself down?
A: I don't. Why are you saying these things about me? There's nothing wrong with me. I know there isn't.
B : Maybe there's some issues that you're not dealing with that make you need to repeat that to yourself a lot. Is there something connected to how you keep convincing yourself that this is just how you are and that you're fine even though there are things that you need to confront?
05 Oct 2008
I can't figure out where the comments went, or why the commenting system isn't working. I don't want it to be like, people want to comment but the things isn't working, and then when it's working again, no one wants to comment. Well, it's not my choice.
Once again I look at that antagonist in the soap opera and feel so scared that people will realise how awful I really am. Why must you label her a whore? Just because she slept through that whole family of aristocrats, doesn't mean she's a homewrecker. She made mistakes, and i'm sure that inside, she's a really good person. If you showed her compassion instead of discriminating against her, then maybe she'd be guided to a better life. Surely she just needs help. She just needs a friend. Do you honestly think that just because she has a reputation for sleeping around, that's all she is? There must be another side to her. She must be human, she must have a personality. Maybe if you care so much to talk bad about how she's always stealing husbands, you should take the time to find out what are the problems she's actually facing in her life. There must be others, and a lot. And how do you steal a husband/boyfriend anyway? Okay fine, you say she's a seductress, so she didn't actually break into your house at night and grab your husband/boyfriend. I don't know, i'm confused. How do you like everyone? How do you know what you're supposed to be? And when you know that, how do you make yourself into it?
Why must she validate all her life choices and decisions to someone else? Isn't it about approval? How does that work?
Doesn't that mean she's letting other people think for her? Does living her life her way mean blindly walking around lost in the woods? Does it really mean you're headed for disaster?
02 Sep 2008
This is my 42nd entry. I haven't been blogging for a long time, let alone making commenting rounds. I have no reasons, just excuses. I've been feeling unwell. My headaches have been more frequent, and I always feel tired. I know, it's my fault for not eating healthy and exercising. So, yeah, I should've taken care of myself.
One big reason, actually, is my very slow internet connection. It's been really slow for so long. I can barely do anything online. Right now it's not as bad as it would normally get.
When the connection isn't down, it's my computer that's the problem. Well, the problem is, it's not even mine -- i'm using a household/shared computer. I've tried clearing out space but nothing seems to work. Since I hate that computer, this really kind person I happen to know helps me sometimes. She lets me use her laptop, though I don't get to hang out with her a lot cause she's really busy. That's how I'm blogging right now. Even between the two computers, I still don't get a long enough turn to do enough.
I know, I know this all sounds like just excuses. I shouldn't let it stop me, but please beleive me -- these really are the circumstances.
Anyway, not getting enough time on any one computer is the reason also for not coming up with any wallpapers. Not that anyone would expect any from me in the first place ( Hello, disastrous/hideous ).
My younger sister has a computer but there's no internet connection or even photoshop. It used to be connected, and then I don't know what happened. Router problem? I have no idea what to do about it. Anyway, she lets me play games on it -- yea, she's really nice, i know. I like minesweeper. And there's this one I just tried out recently, Diner Dash. That's most of what I've been doing. That and sleeping.
I wanted to keep the two comments at the top, cause they were from Pauline, so I had to click one-by-one to delete the 600+ spam comments beneath it. Yippee! I did it, I finally finished deleting all of them!
This entry has no substance? Do any of my entries? I'll try to post again soon. I doubt anyone cares though.
07 Aug 2008
People have better things to do than to be so concerned about every single thing I do. I made a mistake. But I guess sorry doesn't cut it.
Why do you care so much, Azreen? It's all in your head -- paranoia. You keep pitying yourself, always so full of self-loathing and bitterness. You can't expect someone to come comfort you all the time. Get some guts and stop being so insecure. You're only making your own life harder and more complicated. You always had the freedom to do what you want. You're the one who's too scared to go out and get it.
Person 1 : I thought that you moved on, are a different person, all changed and mature and grown-up and all that. Yet, here you are. Still. Turning up here like you never said all those disrespectful things about this place. You think we don't remember how you acted like you were too good for this place, for it's people, for us? What happened to your little dream?
Person 2 : Oh, I guess I failed.
Person 1 : It must feel terrible to always be so self-conscious and left out. Just admit that you're wrong, and not better than us. Let us dictate your style, perception, and choices. You feel bad about yourself already, so what's the difference if you just come back to us?
Person 2 : But, I can still live my life without being confined to what society deems appropriate. I know that if I believe in myself, I can be independent.
Person 1 : Sure, sure. You keep on saying all that, but I'm still waiting to see you make something of yourself. You're still as weak as you always were.
Person 2 : (doesn't know what to say)
I always said that you don't have to be smart to be brave, yet I was always the one shying away from taking chances. I claimed so much to be open to news ideas, but I didn't want to try any of those new things. I didn't think I would get myself into so much trouble. People would forgive me if I was a whore, but I certainly can't expect them to forgive me if I lie about it afterwards. I can't run away from everything I did. But I'm too scared to go back. I wish I didn't say all the mean things I did, only because I'm too scared to own up to it.
12 Jul 2008
If I keep telling myself that I am a good person, if I keep convincing myself that I am capable of being a good friend, then that makes it true. If I am persistent in convincing myself that I am a delight to be around, then other people will believe it too. If I believe in myself; whereby every morning when I wake up I repeatedly say aloud to myself that I can go out into the world and meet people, tell them about myself, share my thoughts and have a conversation; then I won't be alienated, ostracized, and critisized. If I have opinions on things, I do not have to be ashamed because people will still accept me as long as my opinions are somewhat decent. I don't have to care what other people think (as long as I'm doing whatever they're telling me to).
"Azreen, you're so self-involved, self-absorbed, and self-pitying. That's all just rubbish that you made up. No one is going to critisize you for anything because they don't even care what you do or how you live your life. And that's if they at all notice. The world does not revolve around you,"
"Who do you think you are? You're not better than any of us. You think you're too good to even talk to any of us, but the truth is none of us are even interested in you. We just pity you, that's all. Poor, pitiful Azreen. It's sad and pathetic how you live in your own little imaginary world, oblivious to everyone and everything else, the only place where you're so innocent and perfect. As if you've never done anything wrong. You've wronged every one of us and the most obnoxious way possible, and you're so desperate to erase the guilt out of your mind. You're all alone there, cause that's the only place you belong, and only you belong in that place,"
"You haven't moved forward in your life at all. You're still the same failure you always were, too spoilt to make something of yourself. Why do you think someone is going to come comfort you and take care of you? Look at you Azreen, acting so insecure like he doesn't have confidence to do anything. The reason you don't believe in yourself is because you just don't want to make the effort to do anything with your life. That's why it's non-existant,"
I haven't deleted the spam yet. Or made my commenting rounds.
18 Jun 2008
Is it really true that there are different sides to everyone? Or do you just suddenly change in certain situations?
When someone is friendly, uplifting and rambunctious one minute, and then closed, morose and solemn the next, is it really just mood swings? Cause it seems pretty drastic. I guess someone would just say bipolar.
I never really understood how people can be so indirect about their feelings and intentions. Body language is absolutely impossible to read. Except in my case, you can definitely know how I'm feeling or even what I'm thinking simply from the way I move. That's why i'm always so nervously hoping against hope that I can pass off each one of my pathetic lies. Oh god, I still have a long way to go in terms of working on how often I do that.
I'm sure there are plenty of good people who made mistakes. And sometimes you're just in a bad situation. Things just happen, and not everyone can know exactly what to do right away. Though I think it never really is anyone's fault. People, especially those pious ones who say that all bad is ultimately caused by humans, would definitely disagree. I should be able to act on my own judgement, but just knowing that i'll be scrutinized and critisized later, I panic about what is seen right by society. I thought I don't want to please everyone, but I don't know.
11 Jun 2008
Doesn't everyone have some kind of obsession or addiction? Isn't everyone killing themselves slowly in one way or another? If it isn't eating too much, it's eating none at all. Some people drink dangerous amounts, some smoke. There's all sorts of risks in anything you do, and knowing what could happen, sometimes you take higher risks than anyone usually would. People just do things to themselves, for some of them, it actually makes them feel better, and for others, they do it anyway knowing they'll feel awful afterwards.
It really is pointless to be such exhibitionists. It's so much work acting like you're happy and fine with everything. That you've been behaving. Why don't you just admit loudly what kind of problem you've been getting yourself into? It's much easier for people to relate. There should be something wrong with everyone. Couch potato, caffeine addict, adrenaline junkie, reckless driver. Don't tell me it's being a perfectionist or a workaholic cause aren't those kind of fake?
Wait, what? There's nothing wrong with you? Let's see : active, eat well, sleep well, you do volunteer work every now and again, your friends always come to your dinner parties not just because of your superior culinary prowess, play one or more instruments, never beat the light, sort your grabage and recycle, and even grow your very own organic source of which a portion is often made a gift to neighbours. This actually only proves i'm right -- some people are perfect and society invidiously compares everyone to this standard.
You have problems alright. People are fighting over you cause everyone wants to be your friend. Oh, what a pinch. Poor you. Don't mind me, i'm struggling so much just to get somewhere remotely close.
08 Jun 2008
Why are you always so bitter, Azreen?
I feel like I've said this a billion times : There are so many things about me that just are the way they are. I just am like this. I don't like being the person that everyone hates and feels disgusted by, but I just don't know how to be like everyone else, as much as I would want to. I look at those girls with envy -- pretty, demure, graceful, top-scorers, giggling about inside jokes with their friends, look impeccably dollish in just MNG-basics or similar elementary wardrobe staples, flawless (heavy on the flawless, seriously it's absolutely perfect and they don't even wear make up) skin, and most importantly, well-liked and accepted/approved by society. Those girls probably don't even need to be pretty anyway. Society (and mainly their parents) will still love them cause they're so polite (and don't have boyfriends, cause they want to concentrate on school and their future), and are not loud and talkative like me. There are more of those girls in the world than you think, you know.
I didn't choose to be this bitter and sardonic. I just have a great tendency to stay at home, sit in my room, stewing in my own hatred for :
a) myself. okay, no it's not like i'm that bad. just a little bit myself. and only sometimes. mostly it's b)
b) the whole world
I know i'm not supposed to compare myself to people like that. I know that nobody's perfect and everyone is different. I know that anything is possible, especially if you put your mind to something. I know that if I try hard enough, and be persistent enough, one day I can be like those people. I know that everyone is unique in their own way. I know that I have my strengths and weaknesses (wait, really? cause I still haven't found any strengths. I certainly can't lift a lot of things. I like my nails though.)
I just still hate people for no reason. I just still say things that are completely influenced by jealousy. In fact, i'm not even that cynical. I'm so sick of hearing all that about believing in yourself, and not giving up on your dreams, and. Okay, there's just too many to mention. I've always wondered if it's for real. It's just so hard to believe.
01 Jun 2008
It was really funny watching Jason Kennedy hosting the Daily Ten with Catt Sadler. Usually when he's on E news Weekend I'd find him annoying or something but he did quite well that day.
I really can't drag myself out of bed. It just feels so hard, sometimes I start to think it may be impossible for me. I've never remembered feeling this tired in the middle of the day.
It's really slow opening a browser, then somehow, it won't let me type in the address I want (my homepage is a blank page) until like a few minutes later, and then after an eternity of loading, to even open a drop-down menu seems to take ages.
23 May 2008
Headache - painful -persistent - going on and on
I have no idea what happened to all the comments. I don't know why the commenting script isn't working. But it's not like anyone ever drops by to comment anyway.
Can't be bothered with the rest of my entry? Feel free to miss out by not clicking Read More.
16 Apr 2008
I don't know where all those comments could've possibly gone. I still don't understand how they could suddenly all disappear. I guess I can't retrieve them.
It's been hard to get time on the computer, and I've been quite sick. For instance, right now I have a headache. But my sore throat's gone.
I guess I feel excited about Gossip Girl's premiere on Malaysian tv next week.
Feel free to miss out by not clicking on Read More.
16 Mar 2008
EDIT 21/3/2008 : Omg! Michelle Trachtenberg is gonna be on Gossip Girl!!
I'm going to mention again that I actually don't get to use the computer whenever I want to. This is shared/household. In fact, I'm probably only going to be using the computer occasionally.
Predictable, recurring themes, similiar colour scheme. The same old techniques. Plain, boring, and unoriginal. Lack of creativity, but most of all, lack of effort. I may not be blogging as much or as often because sometimes I just don't feel up to it. However, when I rotate between the same few outfits, it's not just because I'm not trying to mix and match. It's all I have. I'd like to say "for now" but I doubt I'm going to go and get anything new for myself.
Not going to the Celine Dion concert. I just like to stay home and not do anything. I like to be by myself. I don't really feel like elaborating about the carbon emissions involved in her flight to Malaysia, or any of her other tour locations. Yes, I know, I may never get the chance to see her perform live ever.
Thank you for visiting, thank you for reading this. Thank you for enduring all of this. I'm just talking to no one.
I still can't figure out what happened to all those comments.
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